


i figured out what can move me

by reversustenebris



Series: MCYT Songfics [3]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eret and Tubbo are brothers, Fluff, Tubbo leaves L'Manberg, at the end a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26885053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reversustenebris/pseuds/reversustenebris
Summary: He’s nearly ducked out of L’Manberg for good when he hears footsteps approaching him from behind.“Tubbo?” Wilbur asks, standing there like he’s not quite sure what to do with himself. “What are you doing?”Tubbo looks at him briefly before turning back around to the gate, staring at the worn path before him. “I’m leaving.” He says simply.“Wh- To go where?”“Anywhere but here, I suppose.”---L'Manberg hasn't felt like home to Tubbo for a long time, now.He figures it's time for a break.
Relationships: Eret & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Series: MCYT Songfics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957051
Comments: 6
Kudos: 363





	i figured out what can move me

**Author's Note:**

> song for this fic is I'm Sorry Boris by Wilbur Soot!!!
> 
> thank you for the rec!

The muffled sound of yelling outside wakes Tubbo up. This routine is familiar.

He groans and sits up, rubbing away the sleep from his eyes as he begrudgingly gets out of bed to put his uniform on. The yelling continues. As he’s leaned over to pull on his boots, he focuses a little harder on the voices he can make out, and he hears the distinct rambling of Tommy mixing with the near shrieks of Fundy, with the underlying tones of a pissed-off Wilbur. He makes minimal effort to fix up his hair before pulling on his hat, as he can hopefully get all of this settled within the next hour so he can go back to sleep.

The clock hanging on the wall above the door says it’s just barely six in the morning. He huffs out a sigh as he opens the door, immediately getting thrown into the argument in front of him. None of them are facing the building Tubbo’s just left, so he chooses to stay put, leaning back against the door behind him to observe.

“Tommy, for the last fucking time,” Wilbur is saying, “The war is over! You don’t need to go out picking fights with people!”

“Especially over stupid shit like farm animals,” Fundy snipes. A fresh bruise is starting to bloom on his jawline. “And stop dragging me into your personal problems!”

“We’re all in this nation together! You should be helping me out!” Tommy argues, his voice getting impossibly louder. He spots Tubbo out of the corner of his eye and waves him over. “Tubbo, you agree that we all need to be sticking up for one another, right?”

Tubbo can’t help but yawn as he trudges over to meet his best friend. Tommy doesn’t look amused. “I mean, looking at this now, it looks like Fundy got hurt in a fight that wasn’t even his.” Tubbo shrugs. “I’d be mad too.” Fundy nods aggressively in agreement from his side.

“T-Tubbo!” Tommy stutters, “Why aren’t you agreeing with me?”

“I don’t have to always agree with you?” Tubbo says, like it’s obvious.

“But we’re in this together!” Tommy flounders for a second before finding his footing, “Fucking forget it. All of you are too much.”

“Can we please just calm do-” Wilbur starts, only to be cut off by Fundy yelling, “ _We’re_ too much?”, which sets Tommy off once again.

All of the yelling is drowned out by the ringing starting to steadily grow in Tubbo’s ears. He hasn’t told any of them this, but he’s so sick of all of this combative nonsense. He stares past his friends in front of him, tracing the grooves in the towering blackstone walls with his eyes. He remembers building those walls, laughing with Tommy as they would try and hide in the half-built structure only to jump out and scare Fundy. Spending time at the edge of the water with Wilbur, both of them rambling on about whatever topic they were interested in that day. Sitting on the edge of the walls at the end of a long day with Eret.

Eret. Tubbo used to hate his brother for what he did, but as he watches Wilbur have to physically pull Fundy off of Tommy, all three screaming like bats out of hell, he thinks he understands. Maybe he wouldn’t have done it the same way, sure, but the idea of living peacefully in a nice castle on a hill sounds divine right now.

Tommy and Fundy getting thrown near his feet by their collars snaps him out of his daydreaming. Despite getting told off, they are impossibly still bickering, and Tubbo gives up and storms back into his living quarters. He half-heartedly attempts to get out of his uniform, gives up when one of the buttons catches, and decides to just throw himself back into bed.

“Fuck,” he says to the empty room, staring at the ceiling, watching the shadows of the leaves outside his window dance across the wood.. It’s usually soothing, but he’s too worked up to go back to sleep now, and the harsh voices outside aren’t any help. His eyes drift to his storage trunk at the end of the bed. He rolls over to the other end of the bed, lifting the heavy lid of the trunk and pulling out a book and quill resting near the top of the pile inside.

The quill in his hand shakes as he puts it to the paper. He’s thought about doing this for a long time, but the act of actually saying goodbye is a different story. How do you leave the nation you built?

_I’m sorry, Tommy._

He crosses it out.

_I’m leaving._ He writes. A tear falls and marks one of the corners of the letter.

“What more is there to say?” He asks no one in particular.

_I’m sorry._ He adds. _I love you all, and I’m sorry._

Tubbo is usually not the type to be at a loss for words, but he can’t bring himself to write anymore. He hopes they understand.

He signs his name at the bottom, ignoring how the script wobbles with his shaking hand, and gently folds the letter, placing it on top of his pillow before making his bed.

He changes back into his casual clothing, laying his uniform neatly on the bed, pausing to run his fingers over all the little tears in the fabric, the burn marks on the sleeves, the spots of blood he couldn’t wash out. He could tell you exactly when he got each cut, each little char and wound. The rest of his goods go into the biggest rucksack he owns, except for the music disc he keeps hidden at the bottom of his trunk. He sets it on top of the uniform, tearing a strip of paper out of his book and writing _For Tommy_ on it before putting it next to the disc.

The lawn in front of his living quarters is empty, and so he hustles towards the front gate. He’s nearly ducked out of L’Manberg for good when he hears footsteps approaching him from behind.

“Tubbo?” Wilbur asks, standing there like he’s not quite sure what to do with himself. “What are you doing?”

Tubbo looks at him briefly before turning back around to the gate, staring at the worn path before him. “I’m leaving.” He says simply.

“Wh- To go where?”

“Anywhere but here, I suppose.” He’s not really sure where he is going to go, but, God, he just needs some peace and quiet. He’ll never be able to get that within these walls.

He feels Wilbur’s hand on his shoulder. He weakly tries to shrug it off. “Tubbo, you can’t go!” Wilbur turns him around slightly. “You’re our secretary of state!”

Tubbo shrugs him off for real this time, reeling back and taking a step behind him towards the outside world. “Is that all I am to you, Wilbur?” He sneers. “Good to know.” He turns on his heel and sprints down the path, up the stairs and over the river before Wilbur can even process he’s gone. He hears Wilbur yell after him, but all he can hear is the sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears mixed with the sound of his shaky breathing as tears begin to race down his cheeks and he cries harder than he has in months.

\-------

The next couple days go by quick, like they’re all meshed together into one big pity party. He spends the days wandering, writing down all the jumbled thoughts he has in his small, leather-bound journal, and gathering the resources he needs to keep himself surviving for as long as he can. The nights are another problem.

He spends the first night in the upstairs of the community house. The floors are hard, and cold, and throughout the night he is awoken over and over again by the sound of people running in and out of the building below, but he manages.

The second night is spent in Purpled’s UFO. He hasn’t seen Purpled in a while, and there’s a fine layer of dust covering the inside, but it’s warm and there’s a bed. He leaves a note and a few iron ingots, the most he can spare. He knows Purpled won’t mind too much.

The third night he climbs up to his courthouse and sleeps on the glass floor, staring down at the world below him. He’s never been much afraid of heights. As the sun sets, he lays on the glass, tracing his fingers along the little buildings below. His finger pauses on the sprawling castle.

“Eret,” He whispers, before sitting up and laughing lightly in disbelief. “Oh, God, Eret!” He’s often wondered if his brother being the king makes him royalty himself. He decides that tomorrow morning is the time to test that theory.

Despite the betrayal, Tubbo knows his brother well. They’d let in their worst enemy, let alone their own brother.

He misses them. He wonders if they miss him, too. He thinks they do.

He falls asleep looking down at the rainbow flag above Eret’s castle, the rhythm of it whipping through the night wind soothing him to sleep.

\-------

The sun is barely peeking over the horizon when he begins the long journey back down to solid ground, and when his feet finally touch the earth, it’s midmorning. The castle isn’t far, and he pauses under the outer archway.

He hasn’t seen it up close before. It’s a beautiful castle, but that’s to be expected. Eret’s always been good at building. First the walls of L’Manberg, and then his castle. Tubbo thinks there might be something poetic in that, but Eret was always better about that kind of stuff.

He supposes he can ask.

The light reflecting from the rainbow windows creates little patterns of light on his arms as he nears the entry, and he’s so focused on the colors that he nearly runs into the man in front of him.

“Tubbo?” His brother asks, staring at him like they’ve seen a ghost.

“Hi, Eret.” Tubbo replies, staring up at him.

Eret lifts their sunglasses up onto their forehead and leans over, gently grabbing Tubbo’s shoulder to move him around and look him over. “Not to be rude,” they say, running their thumb over a cut on Tubbo’s cheek, “but you look like shit, Tubbo.”

Tubbo chokes out a laugh. “I’m sure I do.” He holds up his own hand to the cut once Eret pulls away. “Geez.”

“I- Come in, come in,” Eret says, turning around and leading Tubbo inside. The interior is nice, but empty, and Tubbo feels himself getting a little lost. Eret holds out their hands. “I can take your bag?” Tubbo pulls the bag off of his shoulders and tosses it to Eret, who catches it with a small “oof”. They laugh as they sling one strap over their own shoulder. “What’s in this thing? Rocks?”

Tubbo doesn’t look very amused. “All of my material belongings.”

Eret wheezes softly. “Right, right. Um… follow me.” They lead Tubbo upstairs and to an empty room. This one is more furnished, with a dresser, and a large, nicely made bed. They set his rucksack down at the foot of it. “Do you want to get cleaned up? I’d like to talk after, but take all the time you need.” They motion towards the other end of the hallway. “Washroom is that way.” They head back to the door and they’re nearly gone when they pause and turn back. “I’ve missed you very much, Tubbo.”

Tubbo smiles for the first time in days, even if it’s so small it’s barely noticeable. “I’ve missed you too.”

\-------

After getting cleaned up and changing into clothes that aren’t dirtied from traveling, Tubbo goes downstairs to find Eret. They’re in the small courtyard at the center of the castle, sitting on a wooden bench and watching the water flow through the fountain in front of them. Once they notice Tubbo, they pat the bench beside them, and he obliges, though he keeps his distance best he can.

“So,” Eret begins, “What happened? You don’t have to tell me everything, if you don’t want to, but I’d at least like to know what was so bad it sent you to me.”

Tubbo sighs and scrubs at his eyes before resting his chin in his hands. “It was so loud, Eret.”

Eret laughs softly. “I remember that.”

“Not that kind of loud. It… it got worse after you-” Tubbo pauses to think of the best word to use. “Left. Even after the war was over. We were all just… so angry all the time.”

Eret sighs. “You and Tommy were too young to be on the frontlines of war. I don’t think I can blame either of you. I don’t think I can blame anyone.”

“I just started feeling… I don’t know if ignored is the right word, but I didn’t feel very…”

“Valued?” Eret finishes for him.

“Yeah, that sounds right. All my project ideas were rejected, we kept starting fights with our neighbors. It didn’t feel like home anymore. I- I think that feeling left with you.” Tubbo presses the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to stop himself from crying. “I can’t believe I left.”

Eret puts their hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure you could always go back?”

“I don’t think I want to, I just- They’ll never be able to help me there, I’ll never be happy.”

“It’s ok to move on, y’know.”

Tubbo sniffles and moves a little closer to his brother, resting his head on their shoulder. “It hurts so much. H-how did you ever leave?” 

“With a lot of regret.” Eret says, sighing and resting their head on top of Tubbo’s. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you.”

“I think I understand why you did it, now.”

Eret laughs, but there’s no joy behind it. “Oh, don’t say that. I always wished you could have come with me somehow. I just wanted our lives to be better.”

“Your life looks pretty good now, with this big castle and everything.”

“It’s been better since you got here.” Eret says softly. “It wasn’t great for a long, long time.”

Tubbo doesn’t respond for a while, choosing instead to scoot closer to his brother, who puts their arm around his shoulders. “Can I stay?” He asks, eventually.

“You want to be the prince? Lots of responsibility.” Eret says lightly. “But of course you can, as long as you need.”

“I’m the prince?”

“Well, yeah, you’re the king’s brother.”

“Fuck yeah,” Tubbo whispers, and Eret feels his head droop a little. They hear soft snoring not too long after, and so they manage to pick Tubbo up without waking him and bring him upstairs to bed.

Tubbo wakes up feeling more rested than he has in years. He sits on his bed and stares out the window, sees the flag of L’Manberg wave in the distance. He vows to visit, someday.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you v much for reading!
> 
> as always, song recs are totally welcome!
> 
> (ceo of eret & tubbo brotherly bonding)


End file.
